Internalizing Shame.

Shame becomes toxic when we allow someone, or someone forces us, to break our boundaries of morality. This is apparent in a study of the rape of Tamar. Amnon, Tamar’s half brother was obsessively in love with with her. Through subtlety, he was able to get her into his bed-chamber alone.

When she was propositioned by Amnon she answered him: “nay, m, brother, do not force me, do not humble me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel. Do not behave so foolishly. And where shall I cause my shame to go?” 2  Samuel 13:  12-13.recognizing-toxic-shame

Tamar pleads with Amnon not to violate her moral and social boundaries. She offered him a solution that would allow him to have intercourse with her and yet not cause her to have shame. “Go to father,” she pleaded. “He will give us permission to marry.”

Let us look into her request and the purpose behind it. For Amnon to have sexual relations with her would have violated her moral boundaries as a single, unmarried woman. To violate these boundaries would cause her to have a deep sense of shame.

To get married would re-define and establish new boundaries, for the moral boundaries of a single girl are different from that of a married woman. That which causes those guilt and shame, sexually, would not cause guilt and shame after marriage.

For the marriage bed is honorable to all provided there is no lust involved in fulfilling our sexual desires, and we do not violate our partner’s conscience, causing them to sin. Amnon would not listen to Tamar, so he raped her. The devastation that his act of selfishness caused her is recorded  in 2  Samuel 13:19-20.

”And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of diverse colours, that was on her, and laid her hand on her head and went on crying …so Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.”

This tragic story and its repercussions has been repeated a number of times, leaving those women who have been forcibly raped or sexually abused to suffer a life-time of inner pain and humiliation, leaving deep scars of guilt and shame.

There is help that is permanent it is only found in the healing power provided by the Holy Spirit of God. Seek Christian council from proven ministries.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. As He Is So Are We
    Nov 03, 2015 @ 21:24:35

    One thing I’ve learned, since I used to be stuck in a lot of shame, is that shame resided in our spirit and not necessarily in our souls. Shame can be a label or a mindset. Freedom is in Christ and His love!!!

    Reply

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